Who is Cassandra?
I’ve never been good at talking about myself. I don’t think I’m that spectacular of a person. When people ask what makes me different, I struggle to find an answer because, to me, I’m just ordinary—and, if not, I’m inadequate. My director looked at me after one of my first mock interviews and told me how shocked she was that I could answer any question, ranging from politics to personality. But the moment I was asked about my skills, I couldn’t come up with an answer. I had to do a lot of soul-searching and self-exploration to find what sets me apart. It’s forced me to really shine a light on my weaknesses, which was easy, but also my strengths, which was harder. In doing so, though, I’ve started to find not only who I am, but what I bring to the world. It’s easy to get lost in the sea of people and lose sight of yourself, but the moment you remember what makes you sparkle, it can really bring back the life you didn’t know you lost. After taking time to journal, I realized how much I was getting caught up in the details. Every day I was trying to perfect what I was doing and worrying too much about saying the wrong thing that I just wasn’t speaking. Slowly, I was losing the energy inside myself that brought me joy, but journaling reminded me to nurture that spark.
Starting a journal about myself was not easy. As I’ve mentioned before, I hate talking about myself, let alone writing about myself. I decided that if I was going to do this, I needed to do it in Cassandra style. I ordered a pink bullet journal that I decorated with colorful stickers as my base. I used my handy Pinterest account to find cute page designs to really make this a creative process. By using bright colors and fun designs, I found more joy in what I was doing. By feeling the joy, I started to allow myself to open up to the experience of journaling. Rather than just going through the motions, I actually dug for the true answers of my soul. Now, don’t let me fool you into thinking I have this incredible, complete journal that’s filled with colors. I’ve sketched out my pages in pencil with my answers, but the coloring part is taking time. I decided that coloring each page would be my reward for investing my time in this. While I was quite apprehensive about the idea of journaling about myself, I’ve really come to love it in the past week and a half. Needless to say, I’m now a bullet journal girl for life.
Now we’ve come full circle to those questions at the beginning of this entry: Who is Cassandra? While there are many ways I could answer this, it’s simple. I’m a farmhand, pageant girl, theater kid, cheerleader, reader, and designer, all wrapped up in a sparkly pink bow. I’m energetic, positive, and rock my eclectic style with confidence. While my life is not always glitz and glamour, I’m proud of who I am. Now I ask each of you: Who are you, deep down?
There is such a stigma about pageant girls being so stuck up and selfish. You are a perfect example of why this is not true! It's so hard to analyze what makes us who we are, but as you mentioned, you did it all in your style. We each are so unique, and it may not seem like it when saying it out loud, but little things like getting a pink journal for your writing makes you, you.
ReplyDeleteCassandra, I love how you were able to use journaling as a way to find yourself. I think I can speak for many college students when I say that finding the answer to the question, "Who are you?" is quite a challenge. Heck, even with this being my final semester of college, I still struggle to come up with a solid answer. However, I guess that's kind of the point: there is no perfect answer to that question because as we continue to grow, we learn and change.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love that you've turned a therapeutic method of healthily getting your emotions out and discovering yourself into a fun and creative experience. I feel like that makes it so much easier to open up about who you want to be. From what I've heard, there are people in their 50s and up who still have no idea who they are, so you're definitely not alone! I hope your journaling helps you grow in every way you hope to!
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